Random Thoughts

1. My mind is in turmoil. I can't decide if I am feeling truly depressed over various issues - if my feelings are justifiable and valid....or if I'm just PMS'ing. I'm just feeling very very sad. It's not a good feeling for the day after Christmas.
2. Also...is PMS even real? What if it's just a label we somehow put on ourselves to write off our negative feelings because as wives and moms we're expected to keep on struggling through everything while trying to keep everyone happy?
3. I'm confused over Christmas. H and I agreed not to get each other gifts because we just can't afford it. We agreed that if we bought anything it would be "FOR THE HOUSE" - something that WE need in the house for whatever reason: new dinner glasses, book ends, or a desktop organizer. Very inexpensive things we could get without feeling obligated to please the other person. H bought one of those things and labeled it a gift to me. I couldn't find bookends or a desktop organizer that I liked that I could afford, so i didn't buy anything. Now he's pissed that he didn't get anything for Christmas and spent yesterday making me feel bad for that.
4. I so hate work. I'd give almost anything to be free of it and still be able to afford to live comfortably.
5. I currently can't afford to live comfortably anyway.
6. My house is too expensive for me.
7. My kids are all I think about.
8. This guy I knew in high school who I re-met this year when we had our reunion is overly sappy and says inappropriate things to me. I'm ignoring his e-mails. He spontaneously kissed me the day of the reunion and I've let it go although I was very unhappy about it. I've never mentioned it. He now can't stop mentioning it and ..... well, it's just icky. He gives me the creeps.
9. I think H is vindictive. He was going to make BBQ ribs for Christmas dinner yesterday. He never even started it. I think it was because he was trying to purposely disappoint me because he felt disappointed about the gift thing. I made pizza.
10. Nobody helps me with the icky stuff at home. Nobody washes dishes; nobody cleans the floors; nobody cleans the bathrooms; nobody folds laundry and actually sorts it to go back to peoples bedrooms. The two times when the basement flooded - once from a plumbing issue and once from a sump pump / laundry issue - nobody helped me clean it up.
11. I don't know how I'm going to manage to pay the bills. I just don't know.
12. I charged Christmas.
13. I don't feel like I have a partner in life at this point...I feel like I have three children and a house guest who doesn't pay rent.
14. Now that I've said that he'll probably be making dinner when I get home tonight lol....
15. Sometimes H makes dinner as a surprise. Usually that means mac-n-cheese for him and the girls and nothing for me. But once or twice a year that means a roast .... of course I then have to make the sides as soon as I get home...finish the roast....serve the roast....and clean up after dinner
16. Did I mention how unhappy I feel right now????
17. I have an idea for a book.....
18. I also have an idea for a software product - AMAZING!!!
19. None of these are really the things I wanted to talk about but once I got here I couldn't keep a thought in my head

THE END