To heck in a handbasket....

that's where my good feeling went yesterday after H got home. Ugh. :-(

Came home, checked in w/the kids, cleaned up, tidied up, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, washed the cookie making dishes left by H from the night before, tried to figure out what to cook for dinner, fed the baby, sat down with the girls to go over a new afternoon schedule that will have them prepping the kitchen so it's clean when I get home, went to the store (H came home while I was gone), started dinner, continued to tend to the baby.

H sat and talked with the girls in the living room, never coming to tend to the baby as she fussed and cried while I cooked and set the table. After asking what was for dinner, he complained and I - being irritated already by the fact that he was lounging while I hadn't had a moments rest - replied that the personal shopper hadn't done the grocery shopping and my personal chef didn't show up today or leave a menu.

He finally comes in and sits on a stool near the baby's bouncy chair. He tells me stuff about his day - doesn't ask about mine. He asks if I've fed baby any rice cereal and I reply not yet, he seems irritated by this and asks why not, I explain "if he wants to, that's fine - but I'm currently busy preparing dinner for everyone else." he makes no move. So while things are simmering and heating I make some and hand it to him to feed to her.

Dinner's done and I serve up plates for the girls. H makes his plate and goes to the living room to watch tv and eat. I'm left with the baby....as usual. So I wait. He leisurely finishes his dinner and doesn't offer to take the baby so I hand her to him and comment that I'd like to eat too. He leaves his dirty dishes on the coffee table.

He follows me into the kitchen with the baby while I make my plate of food and reheat it as it's cooled by now. I hate that. Take her outside or at least don't make her stare at me and whine while I'm trying to eat. I feel compelled to wolf down my food and take her back.

With me she remained the rest of the night - with no attempt by him to parent her in any way, even when I left her alone to cry a few minutes here and there.

With him upstairs in his clothes in bed watching tv with the girls, I clean up after dinner, put away leftovers, start up the dishwasher, make some bottles for the next day, make sure the diaper bag is packed, get my pump set up for the early a.m. pump, do some laundry, fold some laundry, clean up, tidy up.

Then he comes down for cookies - makes some snarky remark about my negative attitude and how it isn't any good for the kids or the baby. (I muttered quite a bit in irritation during the previous hour) I counter that 90% of everything that comes out of his mouth is a complaint and that he criticises us all in the morning instead of saying good morning. He goes back upstairs.

I feed the baby, rock her to sleep - she's fussy and I haven't even had a chance to say goodnight to the girls even though it's 9:00 and they're in bed.

I put her to bed, get on my pj's, he snarks at me again, and I decide I can't stay in the room with him so I wash my face and go back downstairs to veg in front of the boob tube until I'm good and tired.

This morning - I'm up at 5:19 with the baby. Normally that's when I pump...then feed her an hour or so later. If I feed her first I won't be able to pump enough for her last feeding at daycare today. So I'm in the middle of the living room hooked up to a double breast pump, standing bent over, with one foot on the base of her bouncy chair bouncing it, with disney cartoons on the tube to keep her calm until I can feed her. 6 oz. later I unhook myself and feed her.

Bag the milk, finish packing the diaper bag, put a load of laundry in, wake up 10, take the baby into the bathroom with me while I shower, get myself ready, feed the baby again, hand off the baby to 13, finish getting ready.

By this time H has gotten up and taken a shower - he stops to make some negative comment to me about something I don't even remember - probably how much noise we make in the morning while he's trying to sleep. Then he goes down stairs, makes his coffee, and sits down in the comfy chair and watches the news or MTV while H drinks his coffee and "energizes" for the day. Not, of course, without bitching at the girls and telling them everything they've done wrong so far this morning.

Soon they are upstairs with me avoiding H.

Finally I get my purse, pump bag, bottles, diaper bag, the kids, and their gear into the car. Off to daycare to drop off the baby, then the kids go to school, then I stop and pay the water bill, then off to work.

Ok - whose carrying the fricking burden here? Who has a right to be grouchy and who doesn't? Who is totally not appreciated?