Whew!

Yesterday I broke down crying during therapy when we talked about work. I think she is focusing on me and H - which is fine to a point - but my major anxiety centers around work these days and is really the key reason that I decided to go to therapy. I have to figure out how to function.

We really couldn't cover anything in the time we had - which sort of sucked but is understandable. It must be difficult, or maybe a relief, for a therapist to have to shoo patients out in the middle of a crying jag.

I also had to closeout a contract yesterday. This contract was not spent out. 75% of that is my fault....I think. Unless I'm being too hard on myself. But I don't want to be let off the hook either. Anyway I just gave up. The closeout was due and I did it and it clearly showed that we forfeited over $100K which majorly sucked. I felt like a total failure but also felt so relieved that it was just being put on paper for everyone to see and would now be a done deal. Now I could move forward - whatever that means.

I haven't discussed it or shared it with my boss or anyone else and its not on anyone's radar....yet. But it will be when my boss's boss gets a copy of the closeout report that she has to sign. Yikes. That's going to be rough. But I have to move on. It's a huge load off my shoulders. All I can do is try harder for the next contract....currently in progress.

So the state calls me today about the closeout and is confused becuase about $50K of projects in that project are not included in the closeout. Matter of factly I tell them that they just aren't done and that's that. I don't ask for an extension or any kind of understanding. They ask why and I say I left these projects in an unfinished state when I went on leave and that's where they remain and now I am pretty much starting over on them.

Miraculously the State offers a solution that still has us losing over $100K, but keeps us in their good graces and allows us to move forward, still be able to get the next round of funding, all without losing any face. Yay! Additionally they allow us to request an additional $8K of administrative support. Thank God.

I feel good. I feel relieved. Even if my boss and his boss have to squash me when they find out about the unsuccessful contract. I still feel good. If I had personal time I'd take tomorrow off and celebrate at the beach lol.