Humbled and Humiliated

We are in deep. We have been in deep and sinking deeper for a while now, and I think we have finally reached a point from which we cannot recover.

I would like to lay the blame on H, but the fact is that we have both made poor choices that have brought us here. But just to make myself feel better I'm going to lay out what I do blame on H, lol.

• He pushed and pushed me to agree to buy this ding dang house which was at the very top of our affordability range. He promised that he would do whatever it took to make sure we could handle it. Note: when something is at the top of your affordability range, it means it is actually not affordable. The top of your affordability range, I've learned, is something that you can only afford some of the time and only if the structure of the expense never changes and your own financial position never fluxuates. Thank God we have a 30 yr fixed. The truth is that once it becomes difficult to manage, he would no longer do whatever it took and would blame me for not coming up with enough money each month to make it all better.
• He secretly obtained credit cards from those stupid mailings from companies like Capital One and Providian that provide high risk terms to high risk borrowers. Then he behaved like a high risk borrower and exceeded the limit, resulting in interest rates over 30%, resulting in an inability to pay. Then when he finally paid those off, he did it again. Although I suspected something, I only discovered it by - yes, I admit it - rooting through his paperwork when he wasn't home.
• He lays heavy guilt trips on me about not trusting him when he wants to use my credit for something that I don't want to buy. I feel so pressured that I relent because of his promises to make good, and then he rarely does. Cases in point include multiple purchases for materials to make improvements to the house that could have waited until we saved the funds.
• He goes against my wishes, even after we discuss it, and incurs more debt and spends money when he shouldn't. Case in point: we discuss purchase of a new $1,000.00 stove/oven while I'm in the hospital recovering from the birth of my child and WE AGREE that he will not charge it on my card and pay for it later, instead he will wait until he has the cash (next month he promises) and buy it then. I return home and am told that he's already ordered it and its being delivered - on the day of delivery.
• He encourages me to be irresponsible with my finances. He says don't worry about it, I will give you the money back if you go buy the clothes you need, or this or that for the kids birthdays, etc. Then he doesn't have the money or gets mad when I ask for it.

Ok that's enough beefing on H. We are both at fault, but I had to get that off my chest. This post is getting too long....... stay tuned for the humiliating part.