Unauthorized Kiss

Ok - my 20th high school reunion was in its planning stages and many of us were in contact with one another when tragedy struck.

A friend lost his entire family in a violent accident - his whole world! Since so many of us were in contact a lot of old friends were there to rally around and offer support, some more than others. But everyone was trying to do what they could.

So a couple of us went to the funeral and reconnected with this friend who we hadn't seen in years. I think it meant a lot to him to have people from so long ago genuinely offering their concern and assistance in any way.

But what do you say to someone in that situation and how do you help them??? I really didn't know but I e-mailed him later to make sure he had my contact info and to offer a listening ear or an escape...whatever he needed.

This all happened just two weeks before our reunion. He called that weekend and asked if I was going and I said yes. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be around all those people. I wasn't sure but I thought he sounded a little under the influence, but he could have just been crying. I'm just not sure. Just some of the things he said about having liked me years ago and the way he said it sounded out of place and his speech was a little slurred. But heck - what's IN place when you go through something like this?

So I offered that he could come hang out at my house. My husband and kids were going to a ball game and it would be just me and the baby and him so we could talk. If he didn't want to go to the reunion I would hang out with him. If he did we could go together.

At my house I greeted him with a hug and a mutual peck on the cheek, introduced him to the baby, and got him a drink. We went outside and sat on the deck and talked. We did a little reminiscing about the good ol days and he did some talking about how he was feeling and trying to talk through exactly what happened. That's all normal.

But he kept going back to what he thought about me in the old days, that he'd wanted to ask me out, that ....whatever. That's fine it its appropriate context, but he would walk by me and stroke my hair, his physical presence was sort of suggestive and a little too close for comfort. When I excused myself to go inside and breastfeed the baby, he followed me in as I was feeding her and sat right across from me. I was a little uncomfortable, but I figured he'd had kids and grandkids so this should be perfectly natural.

It was enough so that I didn't give him the full tour of the house because I was uncomfortable about taking him near the bedrooms. Not that he would attack me, NO - just that I felt he was a little too close for comfort.

On the other hand I remember he always said sort of inapproriate suggestive things to everyone even when we were as young as 11 and I can remember feeling uncomfortable then. You know - like some boys like to shock girls. Only this time it wasn't shocking, it was more subtle.

Ok - so he decides he wants to go to the reunion, the sitter comes, and we take off in separate cars. At a stop light in the middle of a very busy intersection with people all around he jumps out of his car and runs back to mine. I thought he must have changed his mind and I rolled my window down to hear what he wanted to say. He leans in with his hands on my face and kisses me right on the mouth! Not a quick peck, but like a slower softer kiss. A real one. Then he says something like I've been dying to feel those lips or I've been dying to kiss those lips.

I was stunned. Then we both continued onto the reunion and he acted like nothing happened. I was really uncomfortable and couldn't get it out of my head. I was kind of mad - I haven't kissed another guy since H and I started dating 17 years ago! But I tell my good friend at the reunion what happened and she says "hot mama!" What?? How could she think I'd be happy about that?

Eventually I made my excuses and left. He didn't want to see me go and was kind of paw-y, but then he was touchy feely with all of the women there. I suggested he get someone to drive him home when he was ready and he said he'd only had one drink. Ok. He was kind of sad and clingy and I responded assuming that it was genuine, but his saying to me "I'm in a bad way" has sort of not sat right with me the more I've thought about it.

Anyway I was glad to be back with my family in the relative sanity of my own home. I didn't tell H what happend but I did say that next time he comes over I wanted H to be there and that the guy had made me a bit uncomfortable to be there alone with him, but that I wasn't sure if it was just related to his state of mind with consideration for his tragic circumstances, or if he meant it. H looked at me kind of funny but agreed without asking questions.

So in the end I decided to pretend it never happened if the guy also pretended that and I continued with an occasional email to keep in touch and offer support. I chose to leave it at email because I'm just not sure about him and I dont want to send any mixed signals.

Ok so thats it - that's my story.