Frustrated by Non Profit/Govt Funds

I am frustrated by the way gov't and non-proft funds are used - at least here. I work with a lot of them and I work with the people who need them. I also work with the people who decide how those funds get used and often I find that it's in a manner more consistent with their personal agendas than with the needs of the people they are supposed to help.

So often I hear those in charge talk about more "strategic" uses of the funds, rather than handing them out person by person or family by family as the need arises. But I'm finding that these "strategic" uses really equate to financing pet projects that are more exciting to them or that make them feel better. They say that they are essentially bored by the repetitiveness of using the funds for individuals as they are intended to be used, and they want to do something bigger, something more grand, something more exciting.

Ok. So do it - but apply for new funds with that bigger, better, more exciting premise spelled out. Don't take the funds away from other programs - cutting the individuals and families out of the picture - to fund your "dream" project. Don't decide that fixing someone's roof so that water doesn't pour into their bedrooms is now not as important as networking and collaborating on 100,000.00 projects. That pisses me off.

For instance. We provide funds to do X project an A and B counties. X projects are essentially crisis projects ~ those where children and families are at significant risk and very much in need. County B then applied their own money - LOTS of it - to do the same thing. So we decide to target our money only for County A since County B had their own. Then my boss goes right past me - the fund administrator - to go to the original funding source and ask for permission to designate all of our remaining funds to his pet project in county B. Permission granted.

Meanwhile I have applications in process for families in both counties. He says I can fund those projects but that's it. I ask why isn't he using the millions that County B has for the same purpose and he says he hadn't thought of it. I express my concern that these very necessary funds will no longer be available for persons in need in County A and he says "i just want to get it spent."

Or how about this one. He drafts a proposal to a committee for a development project that he has his eye on. He asks me to proof read it. While proof reading it I see that he's designated tens of thousands of dollars of other funds that I administer to his pet project without ever asking me if they can be used that way or if they're committed. I explain that those funds can't be used that way - we have a contract that spells out how and where they can be used. So he goes past me again and gets permission to use them from the contract administrator. Meanwhile I am turning people away who need the money now, so that he can sit on the money until he's ready to use it next year. 100,000 sitting there and only 15k or less available to me.

Or, how about how we sat on over 300K for several years while I was told not to market it or spend it??? I told them time after time that they can't sit on it, they have to spend it or it will be taken away and not be available to the people who need it. Finally they get a letter that says, give us a plan or we'll take it back. So they give a plan, which takes another year to implement and, instead of helping the 15-25 very low income households that they could have, they use it to make a loan to themselves to create 4-6 affordable housing units for rent or resale to low income households.

Not a bad premise - just that that's not what the funds were for and so many more could have been helped if they'd just used the funds over the past several years. I don't call that strategic.

All of this done with the consent of the next highest power. That person, Ed, can't fathom the issues that the people on the lowest rung of the ladder deal with. It's so far away from Ed that he can't even imagine that it's worth the effort.

I'm tired of turning people away because, basically, their story just isn't interesting enough. I'm tired of moving people ahead because they are in a community with certain political ties to us. I'm tired of always feeling like I'm lying and cheating the people who can never afford to be cheated.

There are other things besides just the money. There are other practices that occur, typically in the name of appeasing Ed, which really go against my grain. These things, supported by my boss who is supposedly so value based, which are almost lies aimed at getting us - or someone with whom we're associated - a better deal. I express my concerns and spell out how I think it's fraudulent or wrong and I'm told I have to go ahead.

In this point in my life where I am always feeling so insecure in my work - like I could be cut or eliminated at the drop of a hat - I feel reluctant to challenge directives. But I should have said no. I am clear now in saying what I think about the redirection of funds - mind you none of it is illegal or fraudulent, just not ethical in my mind - but it does no good. I feel like I have no purpose here anymore. What is the point?