Relieved and At Peace

It has been a tough year for me at work. I alternately feel put upon and then as if I am not doing nearly enough to even maintain employment. My boss regularly makes it clear that he does not get from whence I get the latter idea - which is nice.

Most recently, for what I felt was my own lack of performance - and in fact it was to some degree, we were notified that we were losing about 94,500 of a 120,000 contract. I was crushed and depressed and immediately set about trying to turn that around by throwing myself on the mercy of the powers that be. After all about 10,000 of that goes towards my own salary!

So after two weeks of e-mails and phone calls, loss of sleep, depression, anxiety, begging and pleading we have reached a consensus that allows us to prove that we deserve to keep that money.

Graciously the vendee has agreed to pause that contract and allow us a certain amount of time to meet the required benchmarks of it. If by a certain date we can do this the funds will be there. That means we have to spend money to make money.....maybe, but it is completely fair and means that the door is not closed.

What a relief!!

Honestly, at the same time, I was courting and being courted by another employer. I was sure that I would accept the position if they came through with what I asked for. They did, but it turned out not to be quite enough to make the move while pregnant and would have effectively cost me about $8,000.00 in losses for the first year of employment. After that it would have balanced out - if I wasn't pregnant there wouldn't have been any losses in the first place - but $8,000.00 was not something I was prepared to give up at this time.

At the final hour I declined the position. So many pros, but not enough where it counts.

So I am here alone and kind of creeped out with just a few minutes to go. Last week there was a triple violent homicide across the street. The person murdered was a 10 year employee of our company. She and her two teenage children were killed in their home sometime during the previous evening or overnight.

Thankfully they caught the person they believe is responsible - a registered sex offender. But still I hate leaving here on my own without other people around. In fact I think I'm going to leave right now before it gets totally dark.

HOORAY FOR FRIDAY!!!