Realization

Two realizations have occurred to me lately.

First - a work related one:

• I realized how unhappy I have been, how unappreciated I have felt, how isolated my position seems ever since I was transferred out of my original office location. For some reason there was some level of connectivity there. Sure there were times I didn't get along with my boss or co-workers, but there was a level of comfort and safety there that I've never felt since. There was a level of comeraderie that I've never regained in any other location - and there have been three since 2001. Prior to that I was in just one for almost 10 years. I hate working in another county, another town, away from home and away from my kids. Dr.'s appointments for me or the kids are a huge hassle and involve missing 2-3 hours from work whereas it would be just 1 hour max if I was still in Town A. I have no history with these people. I feel like I could just not show up for a week and who cares. At Town A there was genuine caring from people. Christmas gifts for my kids. Parties at our individual homes, etc. Anyway I miss it. I hate coming here. I want things back the way they were.
• Second - my kids. I just realized how much time H and I spend watching tv these days. It's ridiculous. How many weekends have I said "I'm too tired" "I just want a chance to veg" or the infamous "Maybe later" to my kids when it comes to taking a walk or doing something fun away from the house?? Always thinking there's next weekend, or the next. H talks about not having time, but how many times have I found him vegged in front of the tv? How many "sick" days has he had where I came home to find the kids on the pc and/or one tv while he was on another tv?? What a waste? I don't want to be the family where the parents vegetate in front of the boob tube and the kids are engrossed on the internet playing games. Now we have a baby coming and I think back to our old rules, which have broken down again and again over the years. No tv on in the house until after p.m. and then only kid friendly tv that we all could watch? Shared bedtime stories every single night. All of that is kaput and now we have another young impressionable mind coming into the picture and we'd better get our acts together if we want to do this right.

Thats it - just had to get that out there.