FM = Fucking Menace

Those in the know know what FM really stands for. This latest translation is one of pure frustration.

FM decided that there should be some fiscal and compliance review process that allowed for him to review my loan files so that HE could ensure the company that I am doing my job correctly and not endangering anyone either fiscally or contractually.

Ok, fine - whatever. Another set of eyes never hurt anything. But then it became a months and months long ever growing policy development project through which FM sought to interject about 6 different physical reviews of my work per borrower. Not on every borrower in every contract - only in one contract. Not that this contract was any different from any other, just his form of due diligence.

So it got ridiculous. I should physically turn over the file to him for a few days at a time about six times throughout the course of processing the application, preparing it for approval/denial, closing, and follow up paperwork. Heck it's a 2-4 week process start to finish. SIX TIMES? Plus he's in another office 2 miles away. So I have to give up the file - which I work with and refer to daily in communications with lenders, funding sources, borrower, realtor, and other involved entities.

I appealed to my boss who easily saw my reason vs. FM's lack of reason. I drafted a more reasonable policy based on my needs and my boss approved it. Then I gave it to FM along with the latest loan file - for his first review of it - AFTER it had been through every process up to and including approval and AFTER I'd already put together the closing paperwork and scheduled the closing. All I needed from FM was a check for the closing.

Natch he weirded out. He HAS to find something wrong. BS! I went through and followed that policy with a fine tooth comb. But he of course convoluted it, pretended he couldn't find what he needed in the file, wanted to check things that had NOTHING to do with what his review was supposed to be about.

Ok - for example, I have this in the file:

Purchase Price - $100,000
Buyer Funds - $1,000
DPP Program - $5,000
Our Program - $7,500
Lender - $86,500

He wants me to add a column to the right of that that identifies where the funds are coming from. I look at him and say "the buyer funds are coming from the buyer, the DPP funds are coming from DPP (which he's familiar with), Our funds are coming from us, and the lender funds are coming from the lender. Doesn't matter - he wants it spelled out in a separate column under the heading "source". OH MY GOD!

Then he tells me that the scope of work is missing. I said the scope of work is down payment - how can it be missing when it says on the loan summary what it's for, it's practically spelled out in the above breakdown of funding sources, and it's on the check request?? In fact, it's spelled out on the check request along with the contract name and number and the account number because that's what he asked for. Well - now he wants it somewhere else too.

Then he says that the list of contractors and vendors is missing. I say there is only one vendor and that is the lender who is receiving the down payment funds and that is listed on the check request. He means contractors for rehab work. I repeat - this is only for down payment, we are not doing any rehab work. He asks "then why does the review policy you drafted make reference to these things?" I say "because the policy covers both rehab and down payment activities - it says so in the policy!"

So in the end I have to go through an hour of revisions to file paperwork and policy language just to satisfy his petty f-ing piss-ant grumblings about nothing. Just to make him shut up!

My horoscope said I will have a problem with an "authority" figure who will try to micromanage me. I should not put too much stock into this as it's really about this persons insecurities and his need to justify his own existence. SO TRUE!

And, do you know, that he does not require this policy for any of my other contracts or loan programs, nor do the other people providing loans and grants have to go through this rigorous review process.

But for this contract I still have to process the paperwork, then have a co-worker initial and check off that all appropriate paperwork is in there (based on my own created checklist), then have my boss look at the numbers analysis before I can take it to the head cheese for approval/denial. THEN, once I've done the closing paperwork and am requesting a check I have to have FM review and approve it. THEN, once the mortgage is recorded I have to have FM review that. THEN, once all of the contract paperwork is done I have to have FM review that.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! I'm so frustrated. I can't wait for maternity leave!!!!!!!!!!