A real honest to God memo

The following is a real memo that I just rec'd after having a discussion with a co-worker who is anal retentive and exceptionally controlling to the point of making me want to take a long walk off a short pier. Rather than respond directly to me when I confirmed the details of our "new" understanding and asked him to let me know if I left anything out....he chooses the formal memo.

Players:
J = me - the person who processes all the applications, performs all of the verifications, determines eligibility, calculates affordability, LTV, DTI, and loan amounts, writes the closing paperwork, executes closing, and reports to the funding source

J's Boss = my boss (obviously)

Duh = the author of the memo who seeks to babysit me and everything I do or say

My Boss = the boss of the author (since it was written from Duh's perspective)

Checklist = a list of all of the documents that should be in the file at the time of closing

To: (J & J’s boss)
Fr: Duh
Cc: (my boss)
Re: Checklist for reviewing files

Attached is a copy of the check list that came with the client file and emails that J sent to confirm our discussions of the check list and the process.

When we met a few months ago we discussed doing a review of each file prior to disbursing funds. Help me if I misunderstood, but I understood that J and J’s boss would develop a check list / procedure that would be program and fiscally complete (utilizing [my boss’s] assistance if needed) and [J’s boss / my boss] would approve the process. Then Duh would do the review following the check list/procedure provided.

As I understand the check list enclosed with the client file it would be necessary to do three (3) file reviews. The first review would be done by a senior lender (J’s boss) to verify eligibility for the program, credit, capacity, collateral, etc. prior to scheduling a loan closing. The second review would be by admin following a checklist like the client checklist prior to the preparation of checks and the “closing” with the client. The third review would be done by admin after the “closing” to review the loan documents to verify all have been signed and forwarded to the applicable party.

This check list/procedure is a good start to providing consistent completeness of documentation within the file. I might humbly offer a few suggestions for my benefit as the user:

1. Add a title to the form such as “Loan Review Check List” for clarity;
2. Create the first review check list
3. Modify the second review checklist adding a category titled Company Forms providing a spot for the Check Authorization;
4. Modify the second review check list adding a line for the reviewer to sign and date the form;
5. Create the third review checklist.

It would be efficient if they all fit on the same piece of paper.

(The End of the Memo)

Now, does that sound like the most convoluted piece of drivel you've ever read? How anal and controlling do you have to be to want one person, with 10 years of experience, to pull it all together - then want three additional reviews of the file just to satisfy yourself????

If someone does not stop this maniac, I will have no choice but to jump ship. First I will scream....probably directly into Duh's ear...THEN I will jump ship.

Really - I can NOT take it any more.