Not as Profound As I Planned

I had something much more profound to say today - it was a great thought about "choice". That's really all I'm going to say about it because my focus just shifted - ha ha what else is new.

I coordinated, co-designed, co-wrote, and was the lead coordinator for a collaborative grant application this summer. It was the first time I've ever been "in charge" of one and it was really just plopped in my lap with no warning. We had a volunteer consultant help with some of the more technical writing and piece together the various components of the narrative to make it flow. So it was hardly a one woman deal by any stretch.

The apps are scored and there is competition for them across the state - funding has been cut drastically (thanks Prez). Yesterday I found that we were not only funded - we were funded for the entire amount we requested! While that means more work I couldn't help but feel happy about it.

Boss is away at a conference where he heard through the grapevine we had been funded. A letter confirmed it and I sent out confirmations to all of our grantee partners and all of the exec and finance management here. I also left a vm message for boss so he'd know it was official.

Late last night Boss also sent out a message (cc'd to me) to all of the people I'd already sent to. No - no response to me from the message I sent, but everyone responded to his message (cc'd to me).

It's so darn frustrating!!! I sent e-mails to the ED with important information and days later she'll ask me a question that tells me she never read my e-mail. Yes I've verified that they are being received and it's not an e-mail glitch. Yes it makes me feel small and insignificant. Yes it makes me feel that communicating with ED and other Exec Admin staff is pointless because maybe they see my name and just skip over that message.

It's so frustrating and demoralizing. Yes it's only e-mail, but it sets a tone .... it's indicative of a attitude. If she doesn't read my e-mails and then asks me days later about something it's because she thinks I haven't done it or addressed it. If she'd read my e-mail then she'd know that I had.

Really? Does she hate me? I mean there was that whole rant episode where she sort of freaked out on me. Then recently I asked her if she'd rec'd a piece of correspondence from one of our funding sources that I had been expecting - a lot of things have to get sent to her based on protocol. She responded. "No, I haven't seen it. Did you check with 'mark'? Maybe 'mark' rec'd it. Did you ask 'mark'?" Now say that sentence out loud - how does it sound to you? Irritated? It does to me because she said the guys name three times and asked me twice if I'd asked him about it within the range of a line and a half.

It's really weird. If you work closely with her, i.e. you work at her location, you are "in". If you have a Masters in anything, you are "in". If you fit into neither of those two categories, she wouldn't know the difference between you and a pile of crap.

Can you believe that she is going through a "communication" class? She did an interview with my boss, her subordinate, for a class paper. The topic - his opinion on her communication skills. A. what the hell is he going to say except good things? B. why the hell didn't she ask me - I have a few things to say about her communication skills. C. I'm getting really sick of this.

Ok Im done. Time to get to work.