The Cost Of Children

The other day, while in the grocery store, I checked out the price of diapers. Not too bad - just a few cents per diaper. I can live with that. A jar of baby food - a little too high. I could make ten jars for the same price....plus the cost of the jars...plus time and effort.

Anyway I decided to check the cost of childcare these days. Although I didn't have to put my kids in day care until they were about 5 months and 3.5 years respectively - it cost me $8,000.00 in the first year. That was probably half of my wage at the time. I should have just quit back then. Live and learn.

So now the costs have gone up and it will be $8,112.00 for the first year just for this one little tiny baby. Ok, anywhere from $7,250 to $8,112 depending on the number of hours. This of course is not considering time off, holidays, vacations, etc. It is $4.55 per hour and I get a discount because it's my company's daycare center. It has to include travel time so I drop him off early enough so that I can get to work and I have to travel to pick him up afterwards.

So we're talking somewhere in the neighborhood of 25% to 37% of my income depending on whether you consider gross or net and how many hours I have him in care.

Is that worth it? Consider of course that my whole entire income right now is NECESSARY to our family. Plus I provide the health insurance and the AFLAC for unreimbursed medical expenses to cover dental, eyeglasses, and co-pays. So if I weren't working where would all of that money come from? So if my income is necessary right now, what happens when it's cut by 25 to 30 percent? Then I don't have enough income even to pay the basic expenses I'm paying now.

So I guess my options would be:

• Get one hell of a raise;
• Quit my day job and work nights in some factory for half the wage....and who knows what that means to insurance;
• H has to get an additional job (HA!);
• H has to quit school - just not a good idea because he'll resent me and the child for the rest of his existence and everything will "suck";
• Have my mom watch the baby on Mondays when she doesn't work;
• Possibly have my sister watch the baby sometimes on a scheduled basis if she hasn't moved out of state by then;
• Just throw in the towel and live in my car

Not sure which one(s) I'll choose. Actually I'm not that keen on my family watching my kid. I just don't like the way they do it. My sister gets way too stressed and has a medical condition so sometimes I know she just wouldn't be capable. She's no longer able to coordinate and facilitate enriching activities either. Plus I'm TOTALLY not comfortable with either her or her husband driving my kids because of both of their medical conditions. My mom would probably just shop and watch tv all the time - but I guess she'd be ok.

I mean what choice do I have really?

Mouse Evicted...I hope

Well the mouse appeared today in my neighbors office. The office manager who was in her office freaked and nearly jumped on the desk! It scooted behind some file cabinets and under the desk and I pointed it out and suggested my co-worker pick up her jacket which had fallen from her chair. I hadn't seen the mouse reach that so I didn't think it went in there, but it disappeared all of a sudden. I couldn't find it anywhere. Oops - her purse was on the floor under her desk. So she proceeds to dump the entire contents out on a table in her office - no mouse.

Eventually it reappeared. We chased it out the door - there's an exterior door to the HC entrance from her office - and it kept poking its little head back in under the weatherstripping of the door. Not very good weatherstripping! So she kept shooing it away with her foot. I said she might go on doing that all day! So I opened the door and stomped around and didn't see it anywhere along the ramp or deck outside the door. But a few minutes later it was back in.

Finally one of the crew guys arrived and took to chasing it. He eventually corralled it back outside and luckily was able to find a new steel/rubber weatherstripping thingy and screwed it into the door so the mouse couldn't get back in.

So - time will tell. Will there be mouse poop on my desk again? Let's hope not. What are the chances that this was the one and only mouse??? Not sure.

I believe it's been evicted.

MORE mouse poop!!

Ok the first day it was green. Honest. Every day since then it's been black. Today was the most so far. To our knowledge they aren't pooping on anyone else's desk. We don't know what they're looking for - there is no food on, in, around, or near my desk. There was an empty plastic cup on my desk that I'd used to drink some water. This morning that was tipped over and ..... you guessed it, poop all around.

Today I bleached my desk - maybe the smell will keep them away. Heck it will probably keep me away! I bleached my keyboard -because there was poop on the keyboard tray too; and I bleached my "mouse" just in case. I probably should bleach my phone too. Doesn't it figure that the day I have to deal with bleach is the day I'm wearing dark jeans and a black top.

A new top by the way. I just found it this morning. Didn't even remember that I'd bought it about a month ago. I bought one white and one black of this style of maternity top and I LOVE it. Which brings to mind the fact that everything I've bought has been black, white, or off white. Except one denim shirt and one pinkish sweater. There just aren't a lot of options. Where's the orange or the turquoise??? Where are the fall yellows and the winter blues?? Come on! We're pregnant, not dead peeps.

Also - to anyone who designs maternity clothes or who is a retail buyer for maternity clothes. Why, when we're not pregnant, are we 3's, 5,'s 7's, 8's, etc.; shorts, petetites, talls, misses, juniors, and women. But when we're pregnant we are S, M, L, XL or one size fits all. Like when we get pregnant we suddenly morph into these identical round balls of flesh!! IDIOTS!

Ok - I'm done. HOORAY FOR MOUSE TRAPS (LIVE ONES)

Mouse Poop

Yes - that's what I said. Mouse Poop! No, it's not some new child friendly version of a cuss word. It means exactly what it says. It means exactly what I found on my desk this morning.

No, I do not have any food on or in my desk or around my desk. No crumbs, no beverages, no candy, or treats. It is disgusting. It was all over my desk when I returned after the weekend.

There must have been some sort of mouse soiree, perhaps a family reunion, or a costume party. But darn it! Why can't they rent a port-a-potty like everyone else who throws a party? So I then have to sweep away all of the mouse poop from my desk top - even from the pull out tray that my keyboard sits on. Who KNOWS what my fingers are touching when I'm typing. Then I have to sanitize the desk and sanitize my hands...then again....and again....and so on...and so on.

It's bosses day (nice segue, eh?). We are taking my boss and "their" boss out to dinner tonight. I much prefer the office lunch dealy, but half of our people couldn't make it before 5pm due to working out in the field. My boss feels awkward about it and says "every day is bosses day" to which I respond "so, you mean you want us to take you out every day?" No, that's not what he means - I'm not sure what he meant - but something to the effect that celebrating it on an invented day is somewhat disingenuous.

Easily corrected as I explain to him that this is only one specific opportunity for us to celebrate his "bossiness" to which he laughs heartily and accepts. Geez! get over yourself - will ya?

Also - just bought my first pair of maternity pants. I'm old. These are essentially old lady fat pants. Last week I wore the same pair of jeans every day - half unzipped - with the button corner flaps folded in. I decided I could not go on like that and relented. They are ok - but really kind of ugh. I never wore maternity pants before, but have not found anything else this time that is comfy. I'm all about comfy.

In fact, if I had my way, I'd be in my pj's every evening about 5 minutes after getting home. I'd be in my pj's with my fave blankie wrapped around me, cozied up on the corner of the couch watching the boob tube or falling asleep as my lillun read to me. Aaaahhhh, that would be the life. That's how into comfy I am these days.

Mouse poop is gross.

FM = Fucking Menace

Those in the know know what FM really stands for. This latest translation is one of pure frustration.

FM decided that there should be some fiscal and compliance review process that allowed for him to review my loan files so that HE could ensure the company that I am doing my job correctly and not endangering anyone either fiscally or contractually.

Ok, fine - whatever. Another set of eyes never hurt anything. But then it became a months and months long ever growing policy development project through which FM sought to interject about 6 different physical reviews of my work per borrower. Not on every borrower in every contract - only in one contract. Not that this contract was any different from any other, just his form of due diligence.

So it got ridiculous. I should physically turn over the file to him for a few days at a time about six times throughout the course of processing the application, preparing it for approval/denial, closing, and follow up paperwork. Heck it's a 2-4 week process start to finish. SIX TIMES? Plus he's in another office 2 miles away. So I have to give up the file - which I work with and refer to daily in communications with lenders, funding sources, borrower, realtor, and other involved entities.

I appealed to my boss who easily saw my reason vs. FM's lack of reason. I drafted a more reasonable policy based on my needs and my boss approved it. Then I gave it to FM along with the latest loan file - for his first review of it - AFTER it had been through every process up to and including approval and AFTER I'd already put together the closing paperwork and scheduled the closing. All I needed from FM was a check for the closing.

Natch he weirded out. He HAS to find something wrong. BS! I went through and followed that policy with a fine tooth comb. But he of course convoluted it, pretended he couldn't find what he needed in the file, wanted to check things that had NOTHING to do with what his review was supposed to be about.

Ok - for example, I have this in the file:

Purchase Price - $100,000
Buyer Funds - $1,000
DPP Program - $5,000
Our Program - $7,500
Lender - $86,500

He wants me to add a column to the right of that that identifies where the funds are coming from. I look at him and say "the buyer funds are coming from the buyer, the DPP funds are coming from DPP (which he's familiar with), Our funds are coming from us, and the lender funds are coming from the lender. Doesn't matter - he wants it spelled out in a separate column under the heading "source". OH MY GOD!

Then he tells me that the scope of work is missing. I said the scope of work is down payment - how can it be missing when it says on the loan summary what it's for, it's practically spelled out in the above breakdown of funding sources, and it's on the check request?? In fact, it's spelled out on the check request along with the contract name and number and the account number because that's what he asked for. Well - now he wants it somewhere else too.

Then he says that the list of contractors and vendors is missing. I say there is only one vendor and that is the lender who is receiving the down payment funds and that is listed on the check request. He means contractors for rehab work. I repeat - this is only for down payment, we are not doing any rehab work. He asks "then why does the review policy you drafted make reference to these things?" I say "because the policy covers both rehab and down payment activities - it says so in the policy!"

So in the end I have to go through an hour of revisions to file paperwork and policy language just to satisfy his petty f-ing piss-ant grumblings about nothing. Just to make him shut up!

My horoscope said I will have a problem with an "authority" figure who will try to micromanage me. I should not put too much stock into this as it's really about this persons insecurities and his need to justify his own existence. SO TRUE!

And, do you know, that he does not require this policy for any of my other contracts or loan programs, nor do the other people providing loans and grants have to go through this rigorous review process.

But for this contract I still have to process the paperwork, then have a co-worker initial and check off that all appropriate paperwork is in there (based on my own created checklist), then have my boss look at the numbers analysis before I can take it to the head cheese for approval/denial. THEN, once I've done the closing paperwork and am requesting a check I have to have FM review and approve it. THEN, once the mortgage is recorded I have to have FM review that. THEN, once all of the contract paperwork is done I have to have FM review that.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! I'm so frustrated. I can't wait for maternity leave!!!!!!!!!!

Modern Technology Can Suck

Ok – I admit that sometimes I put people off. Not my personality, just that sometimes I don’t jump on the phone and respond within 5 minutes. Why would I? After all, where is the benefit to dropping my current task or project in the middle so that I can take up another task or project without finishing the first one?

Technology has created a sense of urgency in everyone for business communications. People forget that the advantage of e-mail and voice mail is not only that you can get your message across at your convenience, but also so that the recipient can respond at THEIRS!

But because e-mails and voice mails are bouncing back and forth at a rate of 15,000 per millisecond (slight exaggeration), senders assume that responders should be at the ready to respond within the same time frame. Not so.

So that brings up the next issue that is really pissing me off. People who, because they didn’t get an instant response, then forward their messages or voice mails to my boss. He then asks me about it and I have to break away from what I’m doing to provide an answer. Not that he’s going to forward the answer, or that I’m going to go make that call or send that e-mail – just that he now knows what the deal is. He’ll probably respond with “yep, she got your message.” It’s a waste of my time.

In fact, if someone does that, they automatically drop to the bottom of my list of call backs or return e-mails. I’m not going to honor that kind of behavior – that tattle tale mentality that should have been left back in kindergarten. I’m hoping that those that do this will get the message that it is not an effective tactic.

Now, it’s only been ½ hour since this e-mail request came to me. I am busy preparing for a closing for this afternoon. I have oodles of paperwork to do. Additionally I’ve had something like 15 other calls plus messages and e-mails today. Does it not occur to senders that the recipient might be otherwise occupied, might be busy working on something else, might be away from their desk, might not have checked e-mail in the last ½ hour?

Is it to be assumed that all recipients of voice mails and e-mails are constantly interrupting their work flow to check messages and respond to them asap? I should hope not.

Finally – “read receipts” HATE EM! Unless it is an actual important time sensitive e-mail, don’t add them to your message. If you are one of those people that adds them to every single cotton pickin e-mail – including forwards of cute puppy pics – then you have issues and should be in therapy. Personally, I’m going to click no every time I get the option to return a receipt. Do you need to know that I got your message inquiring about whether or not I had Chinese for lunch?

GET A LIFE!!

A Word of Advice

I am tired, so tired, of people who decide the squeaky wheel gets the oil! All the squeaky wheel really gets is contempt for being such a whiner!

I'm so tired of people who think if they call every day, or if they have someone in "authority" call, or if they call someone in authority, money will magically appear. As though I am purposely making their lives difficult by purposely withholding assistance from them just for fun.

There is the son of the client who is waiting for bids from contractors. His son works for some government agency so the client has the son call me every freaking day to get an update on the project status. It is the same. No bid response yet. If I mail something out on Monday, I'm not going to have an answer by Wed., or Thurs., or probably even Friday. Even if you call constantly. It doesn't make it magically happen.

There is the lady who cc's every single e-mail to and from me to someone at a government office so that if there is the slightest delay she can call me and ask what's going on. My answer to her is inevitably the same as it is to the customer. Do they think I'll provide a different answer? Do they think that I'll say 'oh, well I was just playing with her, but here's the money.'

Especially people in government. Shouldn't they have a clue about beauracratic red tape? Shouldn't they especially have a clue about being understaffed and under hours?

If the guy that comes in the door is losing his house next week, that takes precedence over the people with the leaky roof - who have had a leaky roof for two years and never once did a thing to try to repair it themselves. If a certain authority entity sends a threatening letter that a missing document is going to cause sanctions against one of our investments, that takes priority over everything.

Sorry - but I cannot devote 8 hours a day per project or person until that persons problem is solved and then move onto the next. No, I have to juggle the 15-20 projects that are ongoing along with every other incidental call or walk in looking for help. It's an uncontrollable schedule. It's fraught with outside influences from applicants, people providing verifications, contractors, government entities, programmatic regulations, and life.

Heck! I'm having a baby for pete's sake. I have a morning of exams and tests just about every freaking week. I also have kids and sometimes they get in the way of work. But damned if I'm going to place every other person above my family when I have to be out for them to have pneumonia, or an asthma attack/breathing treatments, or strep throat.

Do you know that I have not taken one actual group of days off for vacation all year. Every vacation day I have taken, or half a day I have taken, has been related to a child care need, an illness, my pregnancy, or some other personal emergency issue. I'm not lounging on the freaking beach ya know.

I'm just so f-ing fed up with it all right now I want to scream. So my advice is: people - just back the F off!!

Cat Lady Update

Being pregnant, obviously I have come to the determination that I can no longer assit E. I can't expose myself to that toxic environment - and certainly can't expose the baby.

I notified all involved that A. she won't allow me to make repair arrangements and I have no legal means to force her to repair the toxic home; and B. unless it's clean I can no longer go there. For that reason I did request that the County re-open their case against her for self - neglect which, hopefully, will result in her being taken out of her home. They move at a snails pace though and she's already 88 so she could end up dead before they do anything.

They sent a relative to come see her at her home and decided "it just needs a good cleaning". OH MY GOD!! That is just nuts. I mean really, imagine that your cat, and/or dog, have spent the last 5-10 years peeing inside and defacating and puking inside, on top of clothes, under furniture, spraying on walls and fabric and furniture. Hmmmm, would it take more than cleaning?

So I sent my first rather irritable communication to her family stating all of the potential health risks to her, not to mention the danger of her isolation with nobody checking on her, and said I was going to push hard for the County to move on this because leaving her there is just NOT acceptable.

I haven't heard a word from them since.

It's making me mad. It's just not fair.

The End.

Realization

Two realizations have occurred to me lately.

First - a work related one:

• I realized how unhappy I have been, how unappreciated I have felt, how isolated my position seems ever since I was transferred out of my original office location. For some reason there was some level of connectivity there. Sure there were times I didn't get along with my boss or co-workers, but there was a level of comfort and safety there that I've never felt since. There was a level of comeraderie that I've never regained in any other location - and there have been three since 2001. Prior to that I was in just one for almost 10 years. I hate working in another county, another town, away from home and away from my kids. Dr.'s appointments for me or the kids are a huge hassle and involve missing 2-3 hours from work whereas it would be just 1 hour max if I was still in Town A. I have no history with these people. I feel like I could just not show up for a week and who cares. At Town A there was genuine caring from people. Christmas gifts for my kids. Parties at our individual homes, etc. Anyway I miss it. I hate coming here. I want things back the way they were.
• Second - my kids. I just realized how much time H and I spend watching tv these days. It's ridiculous. How many weekends have I said "I'm too tired" "I just want a chance to veg" or the infamous "Maybe later" to my kids when it comes to taking a walk or doing something fun away from the house?? Always thinking there's next weekend, or the next. H talks about not having time, but how many times have I found him vegged in front of the tv? How many "sick" days has he had where I came home to find the kids on the pc and/or one tv while he was on another tv?? What a waste? I don't want to be the family where the parents vegetate in front of the boob tube and the kids are engrossed on the internet playing games. Now we have a baby coming and I think back to our old rules, which have broken down again and again over the years. No tv on in the house until after p.m. and then only kid friendly tv that we all could watch? Shared bedtime stories every single night. All of that is kaput and now we have another young impressionable mind coming into the picture and we'd better get our acts together if we want to do this right.

Thats it - just had to get that out there.